Stress is when you wake up and realises that you haven’t slept yet.
Reality is an illusion that is born out of shortage of alcohol.
I want to live in Switserland where the mountains are higher than the taxes.
Join the army, meet interesting people and then ... kill them...
All of you who believe in psychokinetics, raise ’my’ hand ...
Lots of people stop working once they found a job!
I am still single, my parents-in-law were not able to have children.
Being nuts or crazy is inheritable, you get it from your children.
The fact that there are ’intelligent’ extraterrestrian creatures is proven by the fact that they did not contact us yet.
I said no to drugs, but they did nog listen!
10.000 new jobs ... all tax inspectors?!
Mistakes have been made, others will be punished.
As long as they pretend to pay me, I pretend I am working.
I started out with nothing... and I still have most of it!
3 monkeys escaped from the zoo ... one was caught watching tv ... another playing football and the third one was caught reading this txt message
My mother-in-law walks 5 miles every day... I wonder where she’d be by now.
Like a rose withers, so is our relationship withering ...
Keep the school clean ... stay home!
Be quiet in the classroom, respect the fact that others sleep!
We do have to go to school ... Have to is force ... Forcing is slavery .... Slavery is forbidden ... SO ... we do not have to go to school!
The word HELLO means: H=How are you? E=Evrything alright? L=Like 2 hear from you! L=Love 2 see you soon O=Obviously I miss you..SO, HELLO
No boys no love, no love no sex, no sex no people, no people no school, no school no problems
That is how a triatlon has been invented : go swimming on foot and coming home by bike.
The IDEAL man does not smoke, does not drink, does not flirt, goes to bed early, in short ... does not exist
It’s the one who won’t be taken, who cannot seem to give.
It’s the soul afraid of dying ... That never learns to live
It’s the dream afraid of waking, that never takes the change.
It’s the heart afraid of Breaking ... that never learns to dance.
Secrets, they only last long enough to break you down
Life is beautiful if you are willing to see it
A bra is a thing that keeps up what would hang down otherwise ...
When my father broke in to my mother I had to sit there for months!
Boys say it’s great, boys say it’s fine. 9 months later they say it’s not mine !
Teachers help you with problems that you would not have if they were not there.
I am in seventh heaven, the other six do not want me.
Women are like hurricanes! When they come they are wet and heavy. When they leave they take your home and your car ! !
No one ever died because of hard labour, but I think :"why would I take the risk?"
I love working. I can look at it for hours.
We used to listen to the Doors, now we have Windows.
Press any key to continue or any other key to quit.
Computers are machines to help you solve problems you wouldn’t have if you didn’t have a computer.
Life would be a lot easier if I had the source-code.
Life is like a nose, you have to take out what is in it !
You need 60 muscles to be angry and 20 to smile why would you make things difficult?
My thoughts wondering off, I am always everywhere.
I intended to become rich while sleeping, but I could not fall asleep yet.
It is better to have one bullet in the hand than ten in the back.
Nok nok. Who’s there? ..... Marie ...... Marie who? ...... Marie who wanna...!!
Wanna get stoned? Drink wet cement!
Umm...your .... ZIP is open...
Reality is for people who can’t face science fiction.
Idiot (id-ee-it) n.- One who disagrees with you.
How do frogs die ? They Ker-mit suicide.
Elvis is dead and I don’t feel so good myself.
I’m not as dumb as you look.
If I can be of any help, you’re in worse trouble than I thought.
What do I miss about my wife? Her absence.
Sometimes I wake up grumpy. Other times I let her sleep.
Linus is like a wigwam,no windows,no gates and an apache inside...